I’ve been kind-of-but-not-really seeing this 25-year-old guy. I really like him but he’s sending me mixed signals. Every time I run into him he redlines the flirt meter, holding my gaze, grazing my hands, etc. I call to ask him out and it takes him four days to call me back. I can’t tell if he’s playing me or playing hard to get. To tell you the truth I don’t know if I have it in me to “chase” him to find out. The fear of rejection overwhelms me. According to that author I should keep chasing the guy. What do you think?
— Too Shy
I emailed my favorite dating advice chick, Lisa Daily (the author of Stop Getting Dumped, All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love with You and Marry “The One” in 3 Years or Less). Here’s the transcript:
Woody: He’s got a point Lisa. What if you’re too shy to be a chaser?
Lisa: Then be a “chasee.”
Woody: But what if you’re bigger and older than the other guy, automatically defaulting you into “chaser” status? Besides, how do you expect a shy guy to be the chaser?
Lisa: I’m curious, what’s your advice?
Woody: Me? I’d offer the email-writer Dump Insurance.
Woody: That’s when he pays me ten bucks, and then, after he gets dumped—I pretend I’m interested in his loser sob story.
Lisa: You have got to be kidding me…
Woody: Well, I don’t do it too often on account of the last guy got so mad he tried to stab me.
Lisa: Woody, that’s awful.
Woody: I know. You try to make a few honest dollars off somebody’s pain and look how they treat you.
Lisa: No, I mean you, YOU’RE awful.
Woody: Thanks. Now back to the question.
Lisa: He needs to get over himself.
Woody: Now YOU’RE being awful.
Lisa: No, I really mean it. I tell shy straight guys the same thing. If you want a worthwhile mate, you’re going to have to get over your shyness. You have two choices: You either live with the uncertainty about how the other guy feels about you or you live with the knowledge of it. Your choice.
Woody: I agree. He needs to flat-out ask the guy if he’s interested in dating him.
Lisa: Right. Because the worst that can happen is that he’ll say “No,” which will free him to pursue other guys.
Woody: By the way, Lisa, I tried your “door test” –the one about opening the car door for your date and seeing if he leans over and unlocks your side of the door.
Lisa: What happened? Did he jam the lock shut and drive off without you?
Woody: Ha, ha. No, you said if your date doesn’t lean over and unlock your door the relationship will not last long. Well, I went out with a guy I really liked. I opened his door and damn if he didn’t just sit there. Three dates later he told me he just wanted to be friends. I was crushed.
Lisa: It’s true. If they don’t unlock the door they’re subconsciously saying you’re not worth the effort. How’d you handle it?
Woody: Oh, I’m fine. He’s in intensive care, though. Freak accident. I was just driving along and he threw himself into my car eight or nine times.
Lisa: Woody, when I said you should run people down I meant it as a figure of speech.
Lisa: Hopefully your readers aren’t as literal. If they want more tips they can go to www.stopgettingdumped.com
Woody: Uh, Lisa?
Lisa: Yes, Woody.
Woody: Does your website have any tips on getting date blood off your car?
Woody: Lisa? Lisa?