Need Wood

Need Wood

Hey Woody,

I’m getting all kinds of s–t from friends and co-workers about the fact that my boyfriend and I have an open relationship.

 In my whole gay life I have met only one couple that didn’t cheat on each other.  What we’re doing just seems more honest.

 Are all these negativities I am receiving from concerned or jealous people?  Why can’t friends and co-workers just be happy for me instead of dogging me and lecturing me?

 I really don’t care what people say behind my back or to my face but still, how do I get them to lighten up about it?

-Open and Happy

Dear Open and Happy:

You remind me of those annoying Jehovah’s Witness people, the ones who knock on your door when you’re watching p-rn and the money shot is about three seconds away and now you have to pause the video, open the door with a towel, screaming, “What? What?!”  They say “Jesus is coming” and you say “Yes, and you better swallow” and slam the door on their faces and lumber back to your iPad.

Anyway, where was I?  Oh, yeah.  You remind me of them.  You found what you’re looking for and you’re going door-to-door trying to sell it to everyone else.

Take your relationship off the sales rack and you won’t have so many people lined up at the complaint desk.

In other words, shut up.  You don’t need anyone’s approval to have the kind of relationship you want.

Besides, me thinks you doth protest too much.  You say you’re happy and comfortable with your situation.  If that were true you wouldn’t spend so much time looking for validation from other people.

I think it’s great that you’re in an open relationship.  My mom always said it’s better to share a good man than to have a bad one all to yourself.

Wait, was that Mom?

Anyway, the point is choice.  You’ve made a choice and it works for you.  Just because it doesn’t work for other people doesn’t make it wrong.  The only thing I see that’s wrong is your expectation that everyone should be supportive.

If you need to talk about your relationship talk to people who can help and stay away from people who won’t.

Hey Woody!

 I j-rk off pretty much every day but recently I’ve noticed the skin on my d–k is dry and broken. How can I get rid of this and have a d–k worth s–king?

 — Dreaming of Peaches and Cream

Dear Dreaming:

First, make sure you beat off with a good lube.  Doing it without lube irritates the skin.

Make sure the lube is water-based.  Oil-based lubes tend to trap bacteria in the skin.

You might have jock itch, a fungal infection that won’t go away without medication.  Luckily, you can get it over the counter.  Take something like Tinactin and apply it twice a day.

And no, don’t beat off with it.  Just coat it.  Keep using it for a month after the problem clears up.  Yes, a month *after*.  The fungus is like a bad boyfriend–it gets under your skin even after it seemingly disappears from your life.

Also, make sure you dry your penis thoroughly after you shower.  Like most of my readers, the fungus thrives in dark moist environments.