Hey Woody!

Ever since we opened up our relationship to include sex with other guys my boyfriend’s developed this weird thing where he can only c-me during group sex.  He can’t come when it’s just me and him in bed. 

I really don’t know what to do because having sex with other guys has added a great dimension to our relationship.  I don’t want to stop the group sex thing; I just want him to c-me when we’re flying solo.

Should I put my foot down and close the relationship for the sake of our private sex life?

—  Pissed off at the orgy

Dear Pissed:

His inability to ejaculate when you’re alone is most likely a sign of major problems in your relationship.  Problems that probably need a therapist to be worked out.

But since you’re gay you probably don’t believe sex has any emotional components, so let’s pretend the problem is purely physical.

In that case, your boyfriend may be suffering from a physical arousal issue.  The constant group sex could cause an unintentional “stimulus hunger” in your boyfriend.  He needs higher and higher levels of stimulation to trigger his ejaculatory reflex.

Like drug addicts who need more and more drugs to get the same high, your boyfriend needs more and more d–k to get the same ejaculation.

You know when you constantly yell at your boyfriend to take the garbage out and he doesn’t do it and you have to resort to yelling louder and louder to get the same sense of superiority you used to get at a lower decibel?  It’s the same concept.

Let’s face it, men like new meat.  New arouses.  It’s why the “first time” is often the most memorable, because all your physical senses are on high alert.  That’s why guys with beautiful boyfriends (or girlfriends) often cheat with people that aren’t nearly as good-looking as their spouses.  Case in point:  celebrities getting caught with rat-faced hookers when they have beautiful wives waiting for them at home.

What to do?  Talk to him.  You’re gay and horny so you probably missed that last suggestion.  Let me repeat it:  Talk to him.

Tell him you want to continue sticking your d–k in anything with a pulse but sex with him comes first.

The only way an open relationship can work is to preserve the primacy of your bond.  Sex with others is an amenity, a side dish.  If it interferes with the main course you may have to switch restaurants.  The side dishes should always complement the main meal, not take it over.

Lastly, read the first line of my response again.  And again, and again, until you get it.

Hey Woody!

A straight friend just had a vasectomy and he’s poking his girlfriend right away.  I told him he should wait ’cause he could still get her pregnant.  He told me to shut up; “you’re gay, what do you know?”  I said let’s bet and if I’m wrong, you bl-w me.  Please tell me I’m right.

—     Waiting to collect

Dear Waiting:

Drop your drawers, baby, and buy him some kneepads.  A vasectomy cuts or blocks the vas deferens, the tube that carries sperm away from the testicles (and adds it to the liquid components of semen).  But sperm already in the pipeline can still cause pregnancy.  The ideal is to wait for 30 days or about ten ejaculations to flush out remaining sperm.

I wouldn’t recommend poking his girlfriend without first going back to the doctor with a sample of ejaculatory fluid for a sperm count test.  Until he knows for sure he’s shooting blanks, he needs to use birth control.

About 500,000 vasectomies are performed annually.  It’s an outpatient procedure that takes 15 to 20 minutes.   About the time it’ll take him to give you a long, slobbery bl-wj-b.