Hey Woody!

I’ve been a regular reader for a while but your riff on the leather and SM communities was the last straw.  Since you’re not into BD/SM or any of its dynamic, why do you feel that you should make people like that the brunt of your humor?  I am not into vanilla sex, but I don’t belittle those who are.  I think the phrase “It takes all kinds” should apply here.  We as a community suffer enough prejudices from the het population without internalized prejudice from within.  I’m the chair of my city’s leather alliance and we all agree:  You suck and we’re not going to read you anymore.

—   F–k you

Dear F–k:

You poor, put-upon leather guys.  Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth gnawing through your leather straps, does it?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  The leather community sucks.  Not because you’re engaged in absurd sexual practices but because you radiate with the kind of monumental arrogance that makes me wanna tie you up and keep beating you way after you’ve screamed the safeword.

Your letter is a perfect example of leather arrogance.  You say you’ve been a faithful reader of this column, which attacks everyone and everything.  You never wrote to complain when I jabbed and poked other groups, but I train my guns on you and suddenly I’m out of bounds.   In other words, it’s okay for me to make fun of everyone but you guys, the exalted ones, the ones hog-tied to the bedposts.

Know why you think that?  Because you believe the leather and kink community isn’t having sex but some elevated spiritual practice manifested through the union of two men who blah, blah, blah, and yank, yank, yank, and (insert the sound of Charlie Brown’s teacher here).

“It’s okay to make fun of everyone else,” you’re wailing, “but not us leather guys because we’re too tender and sensitive.”

What a crock.  Your letter proves the difference between leather and feather is a letter.   You’re not men, you’re hens.

Hey Woody!

I stopped smoking after a 10-year, two-pack a day habit.  I figured the one really good thing is my sex life would get better.  Well, it hasn’t.  In fact, it’s worse.  Since I’ve quit I’m having problems getting it up.  Can giving up smoking be bad for your sex life?

—  Wanting to blow more than smoke

Dear Wanting:

It’s not unusual to suffer a temporary loss of libido after you quit smoking.  You’re de-toxing, man, and you’re getting the heebie-jeebies.  Or in circuit party parlance, you’re being “chemically inconvenienced.”

Smoking is bad for sex.  Nicotine constricts blood vessels which leads to hardening of the arteries.  As your arteries become harder and narrower they let less blood into your penis, making it harder to get an erection.  Quitting reverses the process, but not without some side effects along the way.

It’s not unusual for quitters to temporarily feel mentally unfocused and sexually unsettled.   You know, like uptight leather daddies.  If the problems persist, talk to your doctor about nicotine-replacement therapy to help ease the transition.