What’s it really like to age as a gay man? That’s the question sparking a huge social media conversation on Reddit’s AskGayMenOver30 forum. A man in his 40s kicked off the conversation, asking, “Worst/Best Things About Growing Old as a Gay Man?” He shared that losing youthful attractiveness has been tough, but also acknowledged the confidence that comes with still being called “hot” by younger men.
That duality—feeling both seen and unseen—struck a chord. One popular reply put it this way:
“Worst thing: you become invisible in a culture that values youth and beauty above all else… Best thing: you become invisible in a culture that values youth and beauty above all else.”
Some pointed to the blessing of longevity itself. A man in his 50s reflected,
“Having the opportunity to grow older is a blessing, but it’s difficult seeing yourself age and your body deteriorate. But this also makes life precious as it’s so transient. I’m happier as I get older … know myself better and feel more content. I was thinking the other day that when I was in my 30s, I thought I knew it all and was ‘old’. I now look back and realise that I was so young. It made me think that when I am in my 70s, I will think back at myself right now in 2025 and realise how young I was.”
Others warned of loneliness, but also celebrated the queer community’s power to build intergenerational friendships. And many agreed that with age comes clarity, confidence, and less FOMO. Some also talked about losing loved ones, especially for those who lived through the AIDS crisis. From fading beauty to newfound confidence, and deep friendships to deep losses—aging as a gay man, it turns out, is just like life itself: complex, honest, and worth every year. Studies show the extent of ‘age-ism’ in American society. It should be noted that age-ism is significantly higher in the gay community.
