My boyfriend turns into a mean, cruel jerk when he drinks. It’s getting worse and worse. I’ve been putting up with it for months and I’m getting sick of it…
My boyfriend turns into a mean, cruel jerk when he drinks. It’s getting worse and worse. I’ve been putting up with it for months and I’m getting sick of it. The only problem is; he’s great in the sack when he’s drinking. How can I get him to stop drinking without giving up good sex? Sex sucks when he’s sober.
— Bottoms up
Dear Bottoms Up:
Booze makes him great in bed? You shouldn’t be grateful; you should be angry. You know what he’s really saying? “You only turn me on when I’m drunk.” If that’s your idea of a stable, loving relationship, then by all means, pour him another one.
You guys are headed for a fall and it won’t be into bed; it’ll be into hell. Here’s what I’d do: Talk to him when he’s in a receptive mood. Don’t ever start off by saying “You’re drinking too much.” That’s not a statement; it’s an attack. Start with a compliment, something like, “I love to party with you, but I’m worried about something. Last night at the club I felt embarrassed by what you did. It’s getting harder and harder for me to be around you when you drink. How can we work this out?”
Let him know how his behavior affects you (“I love how we have sex but when you insist on drinking beforehand it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me”).
I promise you this: You can’t charm, threaten, or beg him into changing so there’s no point in trying. The only thing you can do is to remove yourself from him when he’s drinking. Start setting stricter boundaries and tougher requests. Example: “If you’re going to get drunk after dinner then drop me off.” Just make sure you set boundaries without retaliating (“I’m going to the baths”). Your only hope of getting him to change is to get him to see what he’s going to lose if he doesn’t.
Sometimes I feel like I’m weird because I prefer oral pleasure. I would so much rather give head than f*** or get head than get fu***d. Do you think I’m weird?
— The mouth that roared
One of the reasons many men, straight or gay, prefer oral pleasure is that we’re visual creatures: Whether you’re f***g an rear end or a va…va…vagi, Christ, I’m so gay I can’t even say the word.
Anyway, you can see more penis with oral pleasure. With anal love you can’t see crap. Well, actually…Alright, bad metaphors aside, with blowjobs you can see all of your meat (or his) go in and out. You can also see more of your partner’s body. Even if there wasn’t an “explanation” for your preferences, why feel weird about them? There’s very little choice in sex. You don’t get to choose which gender you like; you don’t get to choose which member of the gender you like; and you don’t get to choose what you like to do with the member of that gender. I say quit trying to justify your preferences and get busy doing them.