Hey Woody!
I’ve been best friends with this guy for several years now. I’ve always thought he was a great guy and loved him a lot, but recently I’ve had to admit to myself that I have fallen in love with him. We have a great relationship and we’re very affectionate—we hug, we kiss, tell each other how much we mean to each other. His boyfriend is a total loser. He tried to seduce me when my best friend was out of town.
Hey Woody!
I’ve been best friends with this guy for several years now. I’ve always thought he was a great guy and loved him a lot, but recently I’ve had to admit to myself that I have fallen in love with him. We have a great relationship and we’re very affectionate—we hug, we kiss, tell each other how much we mean to each other. His boyfriend is a total loser. He tried to seduce me when my best friend was out of town.
Woody, I don’t know what to do. I’m becoming more and more unhappy. Do I tell my best friend in the world how I feel about him or do I live in silence, forever wondering if maybe he doesn’t feel the same way?
–Unhappy in Love
Dear Unhappy:
Telling him would be, as funeral directors say when they f–k up, a grave mistake.
First, to get what you want you have to break them up. We’re fighting for gay marriage in part because we want people to respect our relationships. If WE don’t respect our relationships how can we expect others to do it?
Second, you might end up ruining a great friendship. Consider the possibility you’re misinterpreting his affection for you. It’s happened to me. And when my friend “declared” his love, like you want to do, I was like, “whoa, dude. I love you like a brother, not a sistah.” From then on, I reined in my affection, started putting boundaries around the friendship and things were never quite the same.
You’re in a damned if you do/damned if you don’t/damned by Woody kind of situation. The kind that puts my two life philosophies in conflict: Don’t Die Wondering and Don’t Kill Relationships. Perhaps there’s a way for you to navigate between the two. Here’s how: Don’t tell him directly. Throw hints, not bricks.
Next time you’re shopping say something like, “You know, if you were my boyfriend, I’d buy you this ring.” Or “If you were my boyfriend, I’d let you s–k my c–k.”
Wait. How did that get in there? Anyway, you get my point. See how he reacts to your innuendo. If he says something like, “That’s sweet but I already have a boyfriend,” then you’ll know you shouldn’t bring it up anymore. But if he says something like, “If you were my boyfriend I’d wear the ring proudly,” then it’s probably time for a more direct conversation.
By being indirect you’ll get your answer while preserving your friendship. I predict you’ll get a very quick read from him. See, he already knows you’re in love with him. Men are pigs but they ain’t stupid.
