Sometimes I get letters worthy of taking up the whole column and this is one of them. It was in response to my recent column about HIV (Ian, need LINK here):
Personally I am disappointed and appalled in your response to the letter. You are in a position of great influence. This article makes it sound like there are reasons to give a pass for not wearing a condom. In my opinion, you response is unacceptable. Articles like this is why HIV continues to be around and labeled a “Gay problem”.
I am a nurse of 30 years. I have heard it all. I am also a single vers top that is very active. I also play in the BD/SM fetish world. It seems like this fetish area is more prone to sex without condoms.
I have one absolute rule when it comes to sex/playing; NOTHING goes into anyone without protection. That applies to toys, fingers, and “My toy”. I make this very clear to someone new I meet before we start playing. If the guys says “I am allergic to Latex” not a problem, I have a “Latex Free Kit” for just such an excuse. I honestly can say I have never had sex without a condom on. NEVER!
I have responses to the excuses you have in the article;
· Condoms smell awful and feel worse – Really!?!? There are flavored and scented condoms if your nose is that sensitive. There is also flavored lubes. How do you smell dead?
· Condoms give your dick a flat tire – If a guy cannot keep it hard in a condom, he needs to see a doctor. I am 53 years old and have no problem keeping it hard with a condom on. In fact, it sort of acts like a cock ring in a snug way. (not that I am bragging).
· Heat of the moment – I am not a gym God by any means. That said, I have had some very beautiful guys come over and want to do it without a condom. I tell them it is not going to happen. One guy said; you do not think I am cute? I told him he is gorgeous but that does not make him condom exempt. He left thinking I would beg him not to leave. I waved good-bye Sorry, my life is more valuable.
I am not usually one to respond to articles but your response really set me off. Maybe it is also because my former partner turned positive three years into our relationship. He had always wanted to do it in the raw. My rule is; unless you are chained to me 24/7/365 it is not going to happen. My partner turning positive is a perfect example of stupidity. He was 24 when he got HIV and now has to deal with HIV the rest of his life. I discovered he may be positive when I found a video of him with someone doing it in the raw when I was out of town. Sorry, my partner was living with the king of safety (me), we had plenty of condoms and he had this guy do it raw. The guy could not cum so he pulled out, stroked till he was about to and then stuck it in and came inside my partner. I watched it all on video. Now who is the Victim? We did not separate because of his status it was his lack of commitment in the relationship.
If guys would think with their brain and not their dick, HIV may have been eradicated years ago. I am in no way HIV phobic. I am HIV friendly. In fact I play with more HIV guys than not. I just treat everyone as if they are positive. There are guys out there that are doing it in the raw and say they are negative, that is probably because they have not been tested in 5 years. I get tested every 3 months. Sites like BBRT promote unprotected sex thus promoting the continued spread of HIV. I don’t get it. Gays wonder why the Hetero society look at gays in disgust.
OK, I will get off my soap box.