Hey, woody!

I have a comment on the guy who entrapped his supposedly monogamous lover (he downloaded pics, posed as a trick and met him at a Starbucks). If I were your man and you set me up like that I’d kick you to the curb so fast you wouldn’t even have time to get your coffee in a To Go cup. He messed up, yeah, but he didn’t viciously perpetrate a sneak-attack from behind! I have an ex who, despite my being faithful for five years, continually accused me of infidelity, to the point where he would dream, literally *dream*, I was cheating on him and believe it! Goes to show you the insecurity people have. So don’t be thinking that suspicion automatically means guilt.


— Canned his a$$


Dear Canned:

You bring up a good point. Most of us treat the suspicion of infidelity as fact when it could be our own insecurity. But listen, you were going out with a nut. The rest of us have to contend with some realities about gay life. Namely, that we live in a culture where monogamy means not having more than one man in bed at the same time.


If you suspect that your boyfriend is playing “hide the hambone” with someone else here’s what you need to do: Bring it up in a way that isn’t accusatory. Now there’s a good way of doing it and a bad way. The good way: “I’m feeling a little insecure about our commitment to each other. I need some reassurance that the things I’m seeing aren’t clues that you’ve changed your mind about our commitment to each other.” The bad way:“I know you’re cheating on me, you lying bastard. Confess or I’ll kill your cat.”


Hey, woody!

Can taking a huge guy cause any permanent injury?


— Wondering


Dear Wondering:

Tell me something. Are you this charming when you’re hitting on people? A huge penis inserted into a small opening has the potential for causing lots of damage–like torn tissue, potential exposure to HIV and worse, a funny walk.


When it comes to bottoming, the key word is “graduate.”  Not from high school (although that *is* a good idea), but from small to large. Work your way up to larger penises. If you don’t, you risk tearing the lining of your anus, making you more vulnerable to HIV. And, even when you successfully “graduate” you still have to watch out for keeping the elasticity of your sphincter, lest you spend eternity in Pampers. If I were you I’d look at every big d!ck and think of the warning label on products containing Olestra: “May Cause Anal Leakage.”