Are We Just Friends?
Hey, Woody!
So, I met this guy on a hookup site strictly as friends. I’ve got a major crush on him but I can’t tell if he wants to date or just be friends. We go out a lot and always have lots of fun together, but nothing ever happens and I’m too scared to try. I’m afraid he might not want to be friends if I come out and tell him I want to date. And to complicate things even more, he’s 15 years older than I am! What should I do?
Hey, Woody!
So, I met this guy on a hookup site strictly as friends. I’ve got a major crush on him but I can’t tell if he wants to date or just be friends. We go out a lot and always have lots of fun together, but nothing ever happens and I’m too scared to try. I’m afraid he might not want to be friends if I come out and tell him I want to date. And to complicate things even more, he’s 15 years older than I am! What should I do?
—Frisky but risky
Dear Frisky:
Okay, let me get this straight. You met a guy on “Dick Central,” haven’t gotten so much as a kiss and you’re still wondering if he’s interested in you? Dude, your cluelessness…it’s dripping on my wood floors.
You remind me of a certain magical mirror. Legend has it that it grants your wish if you tell it the truth, but swallows you up if you lie.
So an ugly guy walks up to it and says, “I think I’m the hottest man in the city.” POOF! The mirror swallows him up. Then a short guy says, “I think I’ve got the biggest dick in the city.” POOF! The mirror swallows him up. Then YOU walk up to it and say, “I think…” and POOF! The mirror swallows you up.
So, let me do the thinking for you. Most older guys don’t play hard to get. They know what they want, when they want it and how to get it. That’s part of the reason why younger guys like them. Sure, older guys might play it cool at first but they know they can only play it cool for so long before everything freezes over.
So what should you do? I wouldn’t be direct about it. He might end or downgrade the friendship. I’d do it indirectly. When it comes to delicate matters, it’s best to test the waters without getting all wet. Here’s how:
1. Tell a fib. Gauge his reaction to a white lie like this: “You know, when we first met I was really attracted to you. I’m glad I didn’t make a move on you because it looks like I’m winding up with a good friend I might not otherwise have had.” If he says he was initially attracted too, you have an opening to say, “You know, my attraction to you hasn’t really gone away.” If he doesn’t make a peep about being initially attracted, you have your answer about sex: Not even with his brother’s dick.
2. Put him on the hot seat without turning up the heat. Next time you’re having drinks bring this gem up casually: “Isn’t it funny that we met on a hookup site of all places? Why do you suppose we never hooked up?” If he doesn’t take the bait then give it up. If you keep dropping more hints, even his brother is going to get mad.
Remember, you’re asking all these questions to hedge your bets and gauge his reaction, not to scare him off. Assuming he just wants to be friends, don’t just take a hint; take a lesson. The next time you meet somebody online that seems romantically unreadable, be direct before a friendship puts the wrong kind of chokehold on his crotch. Say, “I’m really attracted to you but I get the feeling you just want to be friends.” Then step away and pray that he doesn’t say, “I’m not sure,” because really, that’s a totally different column.
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