Hey Woody,
My partner keeps asking me what my sexual fantasies are, but I can’t come up with any. He says I must have fantasies. Am I abnormal?
– Regular Joe
Hey Woody,
My partner keeps asking me what my sexual fantasies are, but I can’t come up with any. He says I must have fantasies. Am I abnormal?
– Regular Joe
Dear Regular,
Just because you’re not fully conscious of sexual fantasies doesn’t mean you don’t have them. Part of the reason you’re coming up blank is that your partner is asking the wrong question. Rather than ask, “What is your fantasy?” he should be asking, “What turns you on?” Then take your answers and apply the following subjects to them:
Location. Where do you want to do the things you say turn you on? In the desert, on the beach, down the stairs?
Setting. If it’s a beach, say, do you want to make love on the sand, on the lifeguard stand or on the lifeguard without the stand?
Props. What are you wearing? Something? Nothing? Prada?
People. Who’s involved? Your partner? His brother? The French rugby team’s starting line-up?
The Situation. Do you want to be submissive, dominant, or somewhere in-between? Do you want to be treated like a God or a doormat? Do you want to be the cigarette or the ashtray? How do you want to be touched? Roughly, softly? Do you want to be undressed or do the undressing?
These are just a few of the types of questions that can spark ideas. It isn’t just about uncovering fantasies, but discovering them, too. Sex is an ever-expanding expression of your body, mind and soul. It’s important to be aware of and feed your fantasies. They’re the easiest and most powerful way to gain a deeper understanding of who you are and what you need.
Hey, Woody,
My boyfriend has developed a foot fetish. He spends hours under the duvet, sucking my toes and licking my feet, but I’m there, sitting up and bored. I just don’t know how to steer him in the right direction.
– Lick Me Not
Dear Lick Me Not:
Try putting your feet next to your crotch. If he slips it’ll be a mistake you won’t regret.
Seriously, he’s admiring something beautiful about you, so take it for what it is – a compliment.
You also need to take something else – control. You’re sitting there bored when you could be exercising the sexual power you have over him. Tell him you worship your feet too and that your temple is located in the Kenneth Cole factory outlet. Yes, make him buy you expensive shoes! It’s only fair. If he’s going to obsess over your feet they should be in something worth obsessing over!
The point is that you’re not going to get him to stop loving and ravishing your feet. So you might as well make it as fun – and stylish – as possible. Learn how to do a “foot striptease” and have some fun with it. Don’t run away from his fetish; run toward it. By coming from a position of strength and accommodation you’ll have a better time and a husband more than happy to accommodate your needs. What do you want him to do for you? Sex is often about negotiating. You do this for me and I’ll do this for you. I call it, “D*ck for Dat.”
This is a great opportunity to say, “Honey, it’s time for you to sweep me off my feet in a different way.” Remember, always ask for what you want, not what you don’t want. A request is easier to take than a complaint. So make your requests and don’t be afraid to dangle your feet as an added incentive.
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