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Hey Woody,

I certainly appreciate what you said about sex, pain and cocaine a few columns back, but for me it’s pot and the better the pot the bigger the penis I like up me. And this is from a top… Without the “lubrication” from marijuana I become one of those bottoms who after 5-10 minutes says, “Stop, it hurts!” (Not the kind of bottom I like to be with.) Not that it really hurts but I just don’t like it all that much sober. Any comment on sex stoned?

-High as a dildo

Hey Woody,

I certainly appreciate what you said about sex, pain and cocaine a few columns back, but for me it’s pot and the better the pot the bigger the penis I like up me. And this is from a top… Without the “lubrication” from marijuana I become one of those bottoms who after 5-10 minutes says, “Stop, it hurts!” (Not the kind of bottom I like to be with.) Not that it really hurts but I just don’t like it all that much sober. Any comment on sex stoned?

-High as a dildo

Dear High,

How many times do I have to tell you people that masking pain with drugs is asking for trouble?

You know that burning sensation you get when you’re penetrated by someone bigger than you’re used to? It’s a signal that you’re ripping the lining of your anus. You don’t feel it when you’re on drugs or alcohol because they distort or dull the senses. You may be causing unnoticeable but very real internal bleeding. And God help you if you’re having sex without a rubber in that kind of circumstance. You might as well phone your doctor and ask him when you should start the meds.

I never “recommend” that people use or not use drugs. What I recommend is that if you choose to use them, use them wisely. Using them to get a bigger penis up you is not using them wisely. It is, as I’m fond of saying, falling off the stupid tree and hitting every branch on the way down.

As far as why you only like bottoming when you’re on drugs I’d take a hard look at the labels you used and the sneering way you used them. It’s obvious that you have some deep-seated issues about getting penetrated. The marijuana puts you in just enough of a fog to drop your defenses.

Usually, it’s a fear of losing your masculinity by doing something associated with women—getting penetrated by a penis. It’s a form of passivity that scares macho guys to the core. Let’s face it, the worst thing you can call a guy isn’t “fag.” It’s “girl.”

How do you get over it? The same way you get over anything—you do it till it doesn’t bother you anymore. It’s called desensitization.

There’s a famous film that sex therapists-in-training watch to understand the power of desensitization. A guy who’s extremely uncomfortable with saying dirty words is given a sheet of paper filled with the kind of words my editor yells whenever she sees me. The guy in the film starts off blushing and stammering. For 20 minutes, he keeps saying the words and at the end of the film you can see that he’s become completely comfortable. “Dirty words” had no power over him anymore. They were just syllables strung together in a certain way.

So, my advice to you is, desensitize yourself. Force yourself to bottom without drugs. In fact, make like a pizza–get pounded into dough and tossed up high. A LOT. To the point where the meaning you’ve associated with bottoming disappears.

Download woody’s new ebook, How To Bottom Without Pain Or Stains at http://www.mikealvear.com/gay-anal-sex-how-to-bottom-without-pain-or-stains/

 

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