Hey woody!
I’m a 22-year old college student and I’m on the apps A LOT. For those of us in the gay glam world who are only mildly attractive, we typically have to rely on our personality to get us a man. But personality doesn’t seem to count much on the apps, where it’s all about the pics. I get a trickle of interest when I post my G-rated pics but I get a flood of proposals when I use my X-rated pics. Sadly, my penis is everything I’m not—big and beautiful. The thing is, I don’t want to trick; I want to date. Do you think it’s “slutty” to hook the boys by showing them the goods upfront then try to convince them that I’m worth dating, even if I’m not an Abercrombie model?
—Ethical Dilemma
Dear Dilemma:
It isn’t slutty; it’s inconsistent. Which, if you ask me, is worse. At least you can get your hands on a slut. Inconsistent, contradictory guys are harder to get a hold of than a stick of soap in a grease pit. Listen, you can’t write a profile that says you’re a romantic who likes long walks on the beach and then post pictures of your penis, Mr. Tripod. You’ll make people think they’re going to take your penis on a walk. And really, who wants to go down on something that sandy? ‘Bait & Switch’ ain’t your only option. Here are a few more:
Get better pictures. Remember, beauty is only a light switch away. The point isn’t to look like someone you’re not. It’s to look your best. Lighting, angles, positions, clothing, facial expressions can be tricky to catch on film. Experiment until you feel you’ve got pictures that make you look best.
Get a better profile. You are SO wrong that pictures are the only things that count online. For every guy that joins GrindR, Scruff or whatever to hook up there are two that join because they want a relationship. Okay, one. Okay, half of one. Seriously, there are PLENTY of guys there that want to date.
Put your d!ck in jail. Post your penis pics but lock them up. The only people who get to see them are people you’ve pre-qualified. Somewhere in your profile write, “Oh, and here’s a bonus to dating me: I’m hung.” State what you want clearly: “LOOKING TO DATE. NOT OPEN TO HOOKUPS.” Make sure your profile has a lot to say about yourself and what you want. Guys will see how much time you took writing it and interpret it as an indication that you’d rather write than f#ck. I mean, date than hookup.
Put your d!ck where your mouth is. Put your c*ck shots next to your face shots. But put them last in line. By putting your face pics first, you’re saying you want to date. By putting your d!ck pics last, you’re waving an incentive. Paint yourself as a sensual dater–a relationship-oriented guy who has a lot to offer in and out of bed.